I was inspired to write this blog as I watched a show about a man who was deemed to be a lifetime paraplegic get up and walk.  Clearly as I watched him walk I realized he wasn’t a paraplegic but perhaps he was deaf because he never heard the life others had prescribed for him.   As a hypnotherapist I have worked with those who stutter and witnessed amazing speech improvement after a single session even though they were told by others their brain was irreparably broken.      

The more I think about it, excuses are simply a lazy person’s way of justifying poor behaviour.  It really is so much easier to say I was born this way or I am a product of my environment then to face the truth and the impending pain of change.  If change was really that impossible then no one would ever overcome anything, the world would never advance and people would never find success in their dreams.  Let me ask you, how many stories have you heard where the incredible happened and people achieved something others deemed impossible.  I know I have heard many and I have loved the happy ending of each and every one.

So why is it some people find success when many others fail?  Quite simply, I believe it’s because they refuse to let excuses stand in their way.

Let me ask you; are you busy making excuses for things you need to be changing?  If so, when is a good time to start facing your truth?  I have thought about excuses a lot lately because the more I coach people the more excuses I seem to hear.  Here’s what I came up with:

1)      Stop making excuses.  Commit today that you are 100% responsible for your actions and for taking the action you need to make changes in your life.

2)      Be truthful to yourself.  Recognize what is acceptable behaviour and never accept less.  If your actions are hurting yourself or others than admit it and change.  Just know that if the truth really hurts then you are taking a step in the right direction.

3)      Know and believe that all desired change is possible.  Yes, change can be painful but all change is possible and most often necessary.

4)      Imagine your new future.  Now bask in the glory that these changes whatever they are will bring you.

For years now I have been a product of my own excuses, at nearly 100 pounds overweight and simply existing in many aspects of my life I decided that excuses don’t belong in my life anymore.  My soda pop addiction stopped, my non-existent exercise program is now 60-90 minutes a day and I have re-designed every element of my career.  In one way I am happy that change has come so easy once I decided to stop with the excuses but on the other hand it sure is humbling having to admit how stupid one can be when they let lame excuses become their reality!

Undoubtedly at this time of the year I think about gifts.  Not about giving or receiving but the gifts I have been blessed with in my life.  I am fortunate to have love and able to give love each and every day.  I am blessed with the gift of humour that can instantly make strangers smile and bad days ring happy.  I have the gift of being able to feel the world quickly and deeply which makes it easy to make a difference in the lives I touch.  I have the gift of a best friend who has been in my life since I was 15 years old and even with all the things she has done for me she would be the first to tell you she hasn’t done enough.  I have all sorts of memories that life has given me from the wild “I can’t believe I survived” to tear filled moments of welcoming my kids into the world and the unbelievable gift of having these memories so clear in my mind. 

Tonight as I sit here listening to “Christmas Shoes” I am reminded I have the amazing gift of life, family and friends surrounding me everyday.  But the biggest gift and the one I want to bring to your attention is the ability to see every life experience as a gift in some way, shape or form.  Sure my sense of humour gets me in trouble and sometimes yes there are times I wished I wasn’t so emotional.  It’s true I absolutely have lost at love over the years but I am thrilled to have loved at all.  Yes both my wife and kids can drive me crazy but I look at them daily and want nothing but to be more like them.  There is nowhere in my life would I ever ask for a “do over” because life, mine in particular, has been the best gift of all.

I was inspired to write this because a dear friend of mine was talking about gifts and how difficult the whole gift giving process can be.  I know her well enough to say that any purchased gift would pale in comparison to the gift of friendship she gives those she loves every day.  I know too my wife struggles with what she should get a husband that buys himself too much as it is.  The answer my dear is nothing because just having you lie beside me every night is the only gift any guy could ever want.

So this year as you celebrate your holidays please take some time to recognize all the gifts you have and all those gifts you give just by being you.  God has given us plenty of gifts, no doubt your family has added to the pile and now with awareness, appreciation and those dear to you, you can open your heart every day to many of the spectacular gifts that lie ahead.

Thanks to all the gift givers in my life.  The generosity, spirit and passion that you have given to me have the potential of making this the best Christmas ever.   

Curt Skene is a motivational speaker and career coach who makes his living offering simple thinking that changes lives!  If you are looking for inspiration and insights in a very obtainable, hey I could do that kind of way, then hiring Curt is your answer. 

I have to tell you I could write a rock opera with the songs that play in my mind all the time!  Don’t laugh music is great therapy no matter what’s going on in your life.  Music can energize, sooth, motivate, stimulate, calm, strengthen, you name the emotion, music can take you there instantly!  For me, if you live with a song in your heart you always have a safe place to call home.   If you have pressure or need to prepare for an important meeting try using music to change your mood.

On days when I am speaking I am often humming “Start Me Up.”  In fact, it would be very rare for me to not wake with that song on my mind.  Music has that wonderful way of pulling you out of the moment and giving you the confidence to launch forward into a better and more powerful place. Personally, I sing all the time, not well, but I sing nonetheless.  I truly love being at the beach looking out at the water and singing at the top of my lungs.  This summer I rode my bike in the early hours listening and singing to my list of the ultimate tunes.  Everyone one has their own special relationship with music and I am here to remind you to take the time to connect with the songs in your world.   

So this month instead trying to write philosophical dribble drabble I thought I would share my philosophy in the spirit of song and share  just a few that have shaped who I am.  You can check them out on YouTube.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BruEmB7_1ok

For me, dreaming is where it all begins because if you can’t imagine your future you will never get there to enjoy it the way you want.  This song has been on my 8-track, cassette tape, record player, Walkman and I-pod since I was 15.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQN87SEXKds

I often speak of the power of reflection, just taking time to be one with your thoughts and to give yourself permission to process them and let go of those things holding you back.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19JN50bLKjY

I had the honour and great fortune to be in Australia when this song was released for the first time and became a mega hit (and Australian anthem). If you listen to the words and take them in then nothing can or will stand in your way because you truly are the voice!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xg39uu-dlo

Call me philosophical but making today a great day really is your choice.  I have a brother who died at the age of 41 who would trade with you any day if you ever lose sight with that idea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHDoiG2Bax0

On one of my last days at Microsoft I said goodnight to one of the co-op students.  I never did see her again as she was killed instantly on her drive home that night.  What a bitter reminder to never take for granted the things that make you sing out loud, so kiss your kids, hug your spouse, tell a stranger something to make them smile and always remember that the things you love dearly can disappear quickly with no opportunity for a proper goodbye. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aSbKvm_mKA

Just imagine marrying the girl of your dreams, aging 22 years by her side, testing every limit you can possibly imagine and still being able to lay beside her each and every night extremely happy with the decision you made.  I still sing this song with as much passion and enthusiasm as I did on the day we married.

This is your life go sing it proud!

After many tired attempts the Marina owner suggested that instead of trying to fix the leak I should simply buy a pump that was designed to clear out the water faster than it came in.  His rationale was that boats inherently leaked and the pump would mask the problem.  Luckily, I never bought into his strategy and I told him in no uncertain terms I wanted him to fix the leak once and for all!  The owner sensing my displeasure took an even more thorough look at the leaking problem and came back with a long solemn look.  He told me that in doing his inspection he put his finger through the transom (back wall of the boat).  He noted that it had severely rotted away and we were very lucky that the transom hadn’t collapsed under the stress of the weight of the motor.  In reality the boat should have sunk with us in it!

The moral of the story is it doesn’t matter how much goop you use or what excuses you make to mask a problem, fix it right before it comes back to haunt you.  I still think of us out on the water with our two-year old daughter and five-year old son and wonder what we would have done if the boat had sunk.

While at Microsoft I had the opportunity to tell this story at a company wide gathering because Frank Clegg, Microsoft Canada President, was a big believer in fixing things the right way and I thought my boat story was a brilliant example.   While Frank was a big believer in continuous improvement he worried that if we simply continued to throw goop (in the form of $$ and resources) we would become fat and complacent like many of our competitors.

So thinking back on this story gets me thinking if there leaks you need to be fixing?  I think about the number of sales reps who are busy making calls but fail to ask if these calls are netting the results they need?  I have an expression that says it doesn’t matter how often you clean the window, if it’s still dirty you haven’t done a thing!

In my coaching business I spend a lot of time looking at the leaks in people’s lives.  What are they doing and is it netting them what they need.  Time management is a huge place to find many leaks.  Just how effective are you with your time?  I also look for the high gain activity that will (and can) net the best results.       Then I break down the activity so that I can start to find where any potential leaks might be.   Finding a leak is always about breaking down the one “big” activity into small measurable chunks and making sure each piece is contributing the kind of return you need.  The challenge is most people measure activity and give little attention to the results.  People can network for hours yet receive few introductions or leads in return.  People often ask me how many calls do they need to make and the answer is always the same… as many as it takes to get the results you need!!   The secret is when you move your focus from activity to result it makes it much easier to isolate where potential problems may lie.

This month take a look at your life and any potential leaks you might have.  Stop the insanity of fooling yourself just because you are “busy” and get ahead by creating a process driven by results.

While most of you won’t know this, in the last 6-8 months I started to write this blog as a form of a rant towards the different people in my life. The person I am writing about always knows the entry is about them but no one else usually does. It’s my hope that my writing helps them and it’s often a great thinking experience for me. This entry is no different other than the fact, the deserving recipient of my own timely advice is none other than myself!

To start off, I have always believed one should never live with regret. Whatever you do must always begin with the question, “Will it lead you to regret?” We all must be accountable for our actions and decisions and know that a lifetime is a long time to live with the pain of the regret we may cause ourselves. I remember when my brother was going in for cancer surgery and my father wondered if he should fly out to Calgary to be with him. All I said was, “Dad are you going to regret flying out there to find out he is ok?” Then I asked, ”Will you regret it if you stay here and he is not?” He flew out that very same day.

If you think about it, regret is a funny thing because not only can you regret something you did, you can just as easily regret something you didn’t do. So if one is truly to live without regret in their life, there is a fine balance of power between, the action and inaction you may take.

For me, it’s never easy to admit fault or error especially when you know you have others who look up to you, put trust in you and hold you so dear. But its part of the process and it opens the door to forgiving yourself for the regrets you may have.

Whenever you regret something you can always catch yourself asking why. Why did you do it? Why did you let things turn out that way? You can rack your brain for hours and days trying to trace your steps and think about how you could have done things differently. You can pray for a different outcome in hopes you can reverse history and take the pain away but in the end things happen because we are all human and it’s the human in us that makes regret so real. I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. I will go even further and say I can sometimes fall well short. In my life I have made career, money, relationship and business decisions that I will always regret. However, one thing is for certain, I will never regret being who I am as I am clear that more days than not I live with brilliance, integrity and a caring compassion for changing this world.

I wish I could say why people do things that they would later regret. I honestly don’t know the answer, sometimes I am sure its greed, sometimes it may be fear and many times you may be too plain stupid to think about the magnitude of your decision. You can also regret that you don’t regret what you have done. I know for me, many ask if I ever regretted leaving Microsoft or working on my own and the answer is never. It was a choice I clearly made. Whatever your regret might be, it’s most important that you forgive yourself and allow that regret to subside so you can carry on.

I know that as soon as you start to regret anything then that alone indicates it’s already history and you can’t take it back anymore. All you can really do is carry it forward in the context of a lesson learned. How you choose to let regret shape your future is the powerful question you need to really ask. I meet so many people who live in anger and pain because of what they regret but the past is the past and always will be. However, there is nothing saying you have to stay the same course and that you must always do what you have done. As humans we are the adaptable species so we can take our new knowledge and make better decisions.

I am sure I am not the only one who has regrets for what they have done or maybe didn’t do. As smart as I might like to think I am, everyone including me, is more than capable of shooting themselves in the foot once in a while. However, when I find I am living with regret I simply remind myself to hold my head high, look to those I love and those who I may have hurt and let them know I will be smarter and wiser because of the lesson learned in my regret. I do hope they hear me, I do hope they believe me and I do hope they know I will never regret for a moment the decision I made when I invited them in to be an important part of my life.

Final Thought:  Regret for something you did is tempered by time but regret for what you didn’t do is almost always inconsolable.

Interestingly enough when people get angry they take it out on those who care the most about them and whom they themselves care the most about.  You know that lucky inner circle called family, lovers and friends who get to see the real deal behind your walls.  I think of all the kids who grow up with no self esteem or belief in themselves because their Mom or Dad lived angry lives.  The parents weren’t angry at their kids yet anger showed in how they communicated their love.  The reality is, no matter what you say anger is always personal whether you intend it to be or not.  It’s like giving freely of your love but telling everyone not to accept it because it’s not really for them. 

I am very lucky that I seldom get angry but when I do I become irrational, hurtful and vengeful because anger is a powerful emotion and it can and will blind us all. 

Job loss can trigger anger because of the stress it creates in our world.  One can stress about the unfairness, finances, self worth, loss of purpose, or the almost instant dysfunction one can feel in their personal relationships.   Through meeting with hundreds of executives in career transition I can tell you anger can quickly seep into the fabric of our being and once there it is a bugger to get rid of and can do “unintentional” lasting damage.

While I don’t pretend to be the expert on anger I do have an opinion I believe worthy of sharing.  First off, consider anger a passion emotion gone totally awry.  Much like love is the ultimate pleasure emotion; anger is the ultimate and most destructive one.  Both are brought out by a passionate feeling deep inside.  I believe managing anger is a personal responsibility, so never ever ask others to be accepting of yours.  Part of the solution in my mind is making a simple decision to never let anger get the best of you.  Admit anger is wrong and can never be tolerated again in your world.  Making that unwavering commitment is like a building a muscle and it will grow over time as you continue to find positive ways to manage your feelings.  Much like the alcoholic there is no middle of the road alternative because once you give it a reason to be, it will take control.  Consider walking, running, or any high activity pleasure because this will release endorphins that break anger down.  Take time every day to find peace and love because these things will always sooth your soul.  One thing I have noticed is angry people have little time to relax and find joy. 

If you experience anger more than a few times a month (and I am being generous here) then let me be really clear, you have a serious anger problem that needs to be fixed.  Take responsibility for your emotions; seek help (including professional) before you damage your own human spirit and those who have come love you.    I do believe that even taking a simple breath or shifting thoughts is one of the best remedies to ever be found.

Anger can strike much like lightening whereby pent up energy builds and it needs to be released.  Anger often manifests because of a personal conflict in dealing with reality.  I would love to say life is easy and without bumps but it never is and never will be.  What can and always will help us is the way we manage what we do in angry times.  I am a big believer in always asking about the positive intent in every one of life’s little setbacks.  So what if you started to believe that every thing happens for a positive reason?  If people are driving you crazy, ask what is the positive intent that they are trying to accomplish.  If you truly can’t find one, then you know what you should be doing with those people in your life.  What is the positive reason you haven’t found work?  Is life telling you it’s time to shift or you need to do more?

Remember anger is also an ugly deceiver and it wants you to see all the ugly there is.  Since your view of the world is filtered through your emotions anger can and will give you a false and de-habilitating feedback of who you are and what others mean to you.  Anger will often tell you that there is only one thing you are mad at, yet when you solve that, anger instantly pops up in another place and time.  So anger is seldom about something in the here and now.  What anger is doing is telling you that there is significant inner turmoil that needs to be resolved.  Anger will also try to convince you that it’s a part of your DNA and you are simply wired to get angry.  However, in all my research I have found nothing in our genes, our drinking water or the food we eat that says we need to be angry people, so simply make a die hard commitment to saying an angry existence is wrong and it has never solved anything.

There is hope though because with practice and commitment all of us can train ourselves with strategies to ride through our most angry times and learn to shine.  We need to surround ourselves with positive energy, we need to ask ourselves if this emotion is really worth feeling or is it better to simply let it go.  It may sound cliché but don’t get sucked in to sweating the small stuff!

Sometimes it would seem people get angry just for the sake of being angry.  One friend I knew was angry because they were never left alone, then one day they were alone and they immediately got angry because no one was there. I still shake my head and wonder why.  

A great friend often reminds me that the key is you must always speak your future.  If you think and talk in anger, then ugliness and darkness will prevail.  Conversely if you throw out positive vibes to the universe they are echoed and magnified on their return.

This month I want you to take a serious check on your anger and ask what it’s doing to your spirit, and to those who mean the most to you.  Then I want you to rise to the occasion, get the help that you need, and take back what is yours, a peaceful, comfortable and happy existence.  You deserve it; those who love you deserve it and its time to make inner happiness a part of your reality!

P.S.  I am a believer you should never live with regret and anger makes us regret what we have done.  

It takes but a moment, yet it gives you a lifetime.
It refreshes, cleanses and restores your perspective.
It clears your head when thoughts grow foggy.
It calms your nerves when all else caves in.
If you took but one piece of advice, it would be always to breathe.

It’s like walking on a fresh spring morning, where flowers blossom and beauty abounds.
It’s the secret in life that’s so often forgotten.
Trust me on this one and enjoy every breath you take.

Breathing is the celebration of ones mortal existence.
It’s like filling your body with a fresh new beginning.
Breathing gives you the right to take a step back and soak it all in.
It affords you the time to set your mind right.

So do me a favour and please do it for me.
Take a moment right now to enjoy all that God gave you
Just stop what you are doing and just take time to breathe.

Written by: Curt Skene

Looking for a Great Keynote for your next event?
Curt Skene delivers over 75 rapid-fire insights on how to find more business and create more opportunity in his fun and informative keynote “Master  The Marketplace!” Visit www.curtskene.com

Let’s agree that dreams are massive undertakings that are going to take all that you have in order to succeed.  If dreams were easy then they just wouldn’t be dreams!  Living your dreams is about letting yourself see a world of possibilities and letting go of all the old history that says you just can’t do that.  Dreams are there to inspire you to do great things.  Dreams are about evolutionary living.

So do only great people dream or do dreams actually make people great?  I personally believe that dreams don’t know how to discriminate against us yet we can often discriminate against living our dreams.  We convince ourselves that we don’t deserve a better outcome so why would we ever dare dream? 

Customer Testimonial
“Curt is simply brilliant and his message is brilliantly simple!” 

I remember taking my kids to see the “Bucket List” and then asking myself what dreams do I want to achieve?  The first thing on my list was to play on stage with my son’s band and if you heard me on the guitar you would know what a dream this will be!  But it’s that dream that still has me picking up my guitar and strumming out chords in preparation for the big day.  I also remember watching “Pay It Forward” and witnessing Trevor McKinney endeavouring to change the world by paying forward on acts of kindness.  What amazed me most was this was a dream that moved the world yet it was so simple to put into place.  My mission of “Simple thinking that changes lives” was inspired by this movie.  I also have to confess that I often get teary eyed watching Extreme Home Makeover because the thought of stepping into a stranger’s life and making a massive difference is undeniably a dream come true.

So what about living your dreams isn’t that what you should be doing?  I can hear you now… are you kidding?  Have you seen my bank account?  Do you know how much crap I have to do?  When in heck would I find the time and money to live my dreams?  Dreams belong to those who don’t live in my world.

The funny thing about dreams though is they really can pick us up often at times when we need it the most.  Think about it, when was the last time you read a “dream come true” story where the leading player had a perfect life?   Most dreams start from very humble beginnings.  The purpose of dreams is to give us the reason to believe in our future, especially when we have stopped believing in ourselves.

So this month give yourself the gift of dreaming.  Pick a future that you deserve and start creating a path to make it a reality.  The more we dream the less opportunity we have to think about all the things that could possibly get in our way!

Here’s to you and all your dreams!

Looking for a Great Keynote for your next event?
Curt Skene delivers over 75 rapid-fire insights on how to find more business and create more opportunity in his fun and informative keynote “Master  The Marketplace!” Visit www.curtskene.com

So my question this month is what if you changed all of those excuses into a burning fuel for living your life with a new brilliant purpose?  What if you simply decided to start believing in you?

Since last May I have had the honour (and I do mean honour) to meet hundreds of amazing people who through little fault of their own have faced the adversity of a job loss.  Now I would never suggest that being fired is a cakewalk but more times then not job loss is a brilliant beginning to a new world of amazing opportunity.

Honestly, what you do tomorrow is now your choice.   In fact, you can decide right now to start living your dream.  But here is something that I really can’t figure out.  How come people can place all the blame for their reality on themselves but any success they have is quickly directed to someone else.    That math simply doesn’t work out.  Wasn’t it Isaac Newton who taught us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Therefore it would only make sense that if you are capable of failure then you are just as capable of success. 

Here’s another piece of trivia… Did you know that long before man ever adapted to using language our subconscious was developed as the protection mechanism to ward us from pending danger; its primary purpose was to sense danger and lead us away from it.  However, once man learned language the role of the subconscious diminished but it has never stopped gathering data and performing its duty especially in times of uncertainty.  So today when people face uncertainty the subconscious mind revs up and fills us with thoughts designed to protect us.  Stuff like… oh you can’t do that, that is too risky, they’ll never want you, maybe you are dumb.  This is all natural and part of our design.  People who achieve great success use these thoughts as feedback loop and give it some input but not total submission.  Your subconscious is a just a friend with a perspective that may just be different then yours. .

This month I want you to look in the mirror and see your real beauty.  It’s tempting to see the ugly but so powerful to find beauty in whom you are and what you have achieved.  Do yourself a favour and write down all of those wonderful successes you have achieved and celebrate them for what they are, “footprints of the indelible mark you are leaving in the lives you touch.   Here’s to fuelling your future with passion and purpose.

Curt Skene is a successful keynote speaker and sought after career coach who has helped hundreds re-invent themselves and their career.   His gift is telling you the things you need to know that will make a big difference in your success.  Check out his free career coaching community at www.mastermindset.ning.com

Working with Microsoft I saw first hand how quickly expectations were set.   I quickly became a Canadian thought leader not because I was brilliant but because people set expectations through my connection to Microsoft.  I became brilliant through association.  The challenge was I needed to live up to a very tall order!

Today because of my active coaching schedule I meet many senior executives who I have set high expectations for long before they ever meet me.  I expect marketing execs to be pretty darn brilliant at communicating their worth.  I expect CEO’s and VPs to have a clear strategy about how they are going to lead their people (and more importantly themselves) in doing great things.  I expect sales reps to be doing deals regardless of the economy because they are deal makers (not order takers) and be very clear deal makers create opportunity when little exists.

So honestly I am a little disappointed in the world today because it seems many have forgotten about the expectations they need to be living up to.  It’s almost like they feel greatness is owing to them so just bring it on.

Customer Testimonial
“Curt, our managers needed to hear your message!  It gave them a great sense that they can be competitive in this marketplace.  Almost everyone said they felt well armed to tackle their duties thanks to the rapid fire ideas you gave them.  I personally thought your mix of humour and straight shooting made this session fly by in a positive and enlightening way.” - V.P. Caressant Care

Now I am writing this because I am passionate about helping you do great things and the best way I can help you is by aligning your world with the expectations people have for you.  This month I need you to ask a really tough question and that is, are you aligned with your customer’s expectations?  Are you exceeding the great things people already expect of you, if not what needs to change immediately?

I want you to have fun with this question because investing in your future will reap you more pleasure than pain.  Ask, do you need to be investing in new intellect because the world is evolving so quickly?  Do you need to be pushing the envelope in your thinking because traditional thoughts will quickly go unnoticed?  Do you need to be upping your game because walking to opportunity is the kiss of death when you are running a race that is only going to get faster?

You may as well face it, we all set expectations for others and they set them for us.  The secret to success is exceeding those expectations well before the benchmark is ever set.  I am not exempt from this rant.  I have things I need to be doing right now to deliver greatness on the stage because clients expect me to be a great speaker.  So I am off to ponder what I need to do and put on socks because apparently, so I have been told, my clients expect that too!

Looking for a Great Keynote for your next event?
Curt Skene delivers over 75 rapid-fire insights on how to find more business and create more opportunity in his fun and informative keynote “Master  The Marketplace!” Visit www.curtskene.com